So as an Italian East Coast native, I feel as though it is my duty to comment on the crazy insanity that is MTV’s Jersey Shore.  Ah, where to even begin…first off, if you haven’t already seen the show, please go to MTV.com immediately and watch the past 3 episodes.  Second of all, if you HAVE seen the show, you should immediately go to THIS link and watch Snooki’s YouTube channel before she was “famous.”  I think my personal favorite is “Snook took the night” where she fake raps along to some ghetto club song that involves the lyrics “hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I don’t care what bitches say.”  Right.

Anywho, in my opinion, makes this show so popular is the fact that most of the country hasn’t ever seen, let along spoken to, an actual real, live guido.  I, on the other hand, grew up around them and am one with them in their natural habitat (New Jersey, Staten Island, parts of Westchester County, Long Island, tanning salons, Seaside, etc.).  I have fond memories from the one and only time I visited Seaside, NJ (aka SLEAZside)…it can really only be described in one word- entertaining.  Guidos live in their own little guido world where the threat of skin cancer doesn’t exist and trucker hats are still cool.  Thinking about making a visit?  Run through my checklist and you’ll be ready to “vibe” with all the juiced up meat heads and orange-skinned broads.  Good luck to you.

Step 1: Get your guido name and write it down…because once you’re a guido, you’re going to forget it

Step 2: Brush up on your Jersey Shore lingo

Step 3: Stock up on gigantic claw clips and start practicing your pouf (btw- is anyone else predicting that Snooki launches her own claw clip line?)

Xo,

Jamie aka “the Opportunity”

P.S- to all the Italians that are “offended” and leaving MTV death threats, I will say to you what my Neopolitan grandmother would say to you- “heeey, relax.”  And to Domino’s “pizza,” seriously?