You’ve Heard of Revenge Sex…But How About Revenge Beauty?

After getting dumped (or generally just treated like crap), everyone will react differently; some girls will eat tons of junk food, others go shopping and splurge on beauty treatments.  The latter is THIS GIRL right here.  For the amount of money that I’ve spent pampering myself out of depression over the past few years, I could seriously buy a townhouse in SoHo.  I wish I were kidding…but here it is, sometimes (ok, most of the time) treating myself just makes me FEEL BETTER and there’s nothing wrong with that.  So basically, I take the whole “treat yo self” from Parks and Recreation thing to a whole other level after some douchebag decides that he’s “just not that into me” or stops calling.  Here’s a breakdown of what I do for my revenge beauty treatment:

Step 1: Book a massage appointment somewhere fancy, and with a male masseuse.

I don’t really have to explain why massages are awesome.  For one, it’ll help you relax and you’ll start thinking about how that asshole didn’t know how to give a proper massage and how much hotter your male masseuse is, compared to that dick you now hate.  And here’s a tip, if they ask you what area you want to focus on, say you feel tension in your lower back…this means that you’ll probably end up getting your butt massaged which, I can’t lie, feels pretty amazing.

Step 2: Buy that really expensive beauty product that you previously said “I can’t. It’s too much for what it is” to.  I don’t know what it is about face masks but I just can’t bring myself to buy them.  I read about Boscia’s Luminizing Black Mask in a few magazines but when I realized that the mask costs $34, I didn’t buy it.  It’s actually not THAT much money, in beauty terms, but I’ve always held strong when it comes to face masks since I don’t feel like they actually ever DO anything to my face.  But when you’re in beauty revenge mode, you buy that shit right this minute.  And here I am…black face mask and all my beauty revenge glory:

Step 3: Drink.  It’s a simple one but drink those high-calorie drinks that you normally pass up for a vodka soda.  Mimosas!  Margaritas!  Hell, even go for a Strawberry Daiquiri if that’s your deal.  And, if you’re in New York City, I can even do you one better.  The wine-based skincare line Caudalie has a spa at the Plaza Hotel where they actually do wine-based treatments and even serve wine in the relaxation/waiting area.  I’ve been.  And it’s glorious, trust me.  You can kill two birds with one stone (steps 1 and 3, and maybe even step 2) just by going there.  The Dry Body Fresh Grape Massage is amazing, though very sticky, and you can pretty much get wasted before and after the massage actually takes place.

Step 4: Get a blow out.  Nothing, I repeat NOTHING will make you feel better than having good hair.  Put on your favorite yoga pants and tank top (you don’t even need to get dressed, really) and get your hair blown out at a fancy salon or blow dry bar.  I promise you, you’ll instantly feel chic and put together.

Step 5: Buy a ridiculously frivolous piece of “fine leather goods.”  Parks and Recreation said it right.  Men don’t understand why we buy pointless small leather shit so NOW is the time to buy that weird Gucci heart-shaped coin purse (who carries a coin purse?) or that Tory Burch shoe key chain, just because those infamous ballet flats make you remember your college glory days.  DO IT.  Enjoy your coin purse and shoe key chain.  The next guy will appreciate them, too…but probably not really.

The Fourth Annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

It’s funny because I don’t enjoy doing gift guides…I always feel like there’s just so much pressure to find the most perfect gifts but, for some reason, I always REALLY look forward to my Anti-Valentine’s Day guide.  I can’t even believe this is the FOURTH edition…I mean, if you need to catch up here’s one, two and three, oh, how times flies when you’re having fun.  The truth of the matter is that I actually considered NOT doing something anti V-day this year, mostly because I went on three really good dates with a guy and was actually feeling like MAYBE I’d have a Valentine this year.  Well, that thought was quickly destroyed and so, on with tradition.  With out any further ado, here’s the fourth annual anti-Valentine’s Day gift guide:

I’m usually more of a chocolate girl but when I heard that Sugarfina came out with their own Anti-Valentine’s Gift Set, how could I resist?  I ordered the trio yes, for myself, and definitely enjoyed the all three…but the frogs (e.g. Stop Kissing Frogs) was totally my fave.  And ladies, don’t forget, there really ARE “plenty of fish in the sea.”

The HBO show Girls…well, I’m obsessed, to say the least, but from what I’ve observed…men really hate this show.  Maybe “hate” is a strong word but I’d say “dislike” or “confused by” would be a fair assessment.  

Friend’s BF: I don’t get it…they’re all really unattractive and gross.  
Me: You wouldn’t get it…it’s REAL.

Deborah Lippmann created four fun nail polish shades, inspired by each character on the show…all of which I deam totally on point, by the way.

Oh, Ryan Gosling.  You have your own coloring book…and it’s fantastic.  The Ryan Gosling obsession annoys me to the absolute fullest so if you’re single this V-day, why not enjoy some Ryan on your time.  

With the help of Mr. Chakraa new, interactive website from Aveda, you will be given the tools you need to find the balance you deserve. Mr. Chakra will reveal energy-aligning tips that include guided meditationbreathing techniques, mantra usage and personal nutrition. He’ll also lead you to the Aveda Chakra Balancing Body Massage at Aveda Spas and recommend your ideal Aveda Chakra Balancing Body Mist. I encourage you to take sensory journey – I’m chakra #5, in case you were wondering.

Tuesday Web Candy

Louis Vuitton Spring 2013 is just EVERYWHERE and I love it – FabSugar

I love these wood-inspired nail stickersMove Slightly

As of late, I have had THE WORST chapped lips.  Here’s how to fight it… – Allure

39 DIY gifts that you (and I) would actually WANT to receive – BuzzFeed

Nina Dobrev’s SAG Awards dress was freaking amazing…and I don’t even like pink – InStyle

Sunday’s Episode of Girls was pretty much the best thing I’ve seen in awhile…and clearly, they were talking about xoJane with JazzHate.  Come on. – xoJane

With the above said, here’s the fashion report from Sunday’s episode of Girlsmesh shirt and all.Fashionista

Pretty much my reaction ALWAYS to this comment. – My Friends Are Married


Tuesday Web Candy

A pretty easy and delicious-looking salmon recipeRamshackle Glam

Amber talks about the beauty products that she hoards, a “Sephorder” if you will – Beauty Blogging Junkie

Hot scissor hair cuts?  Hmmm… – Allure

Why January is apparently “online dating month” – The Luxury Spot

I’m loving Heidi Klum’s casual leopard scarf outfit hereCeleb Style

How healthy is your “diet,” really? – Refinery29

A sad goodbye to one of my favorite blogs! – Court and Hudson

These are super cool if you (or someone you know) loves a good crossword puzzle – Chevron and Stripes

Tuesday Web Candy

Felicia comes up with yet another amazing recipe- shredded brussel sprouts with walnuts and olive oil Love Life Eat

Why we secretly (or not so secretly) like bad boysAllure

I love Christine’s gift guide, with a little humorCourt and Hudson

Though I still don’t really care about Kate Middleton, it WILL be fun to watch her get fatPeople StyleWatch

I really miss wearing turtlenecksInStyle

Put away your diary, kids. Apparently it’s bad for you –Refinery29

30 amazing DIY food gifts cause who doesn’t like food? – BuzzFeed

Tuesday Web Candy

This handbag will CHARGE your iPhone. Insanity – Refinery29

The art of a good online dating photo xoJane

The 5 best makeup looks from New York Fashion Week.  So fab – Allure

Proof that being single (especially in the summer!) can be fun – Downtown Romantic

Lea Michele got a deal with L’OREAL Paris…is anyone else just so OVER her? – People Stylewatch

Rainbow sangria. I need this now – TheLuxurySpot

An open letter to Amanda Bynes CollegeCandy

My girl Kristen DIY’s these awesome bracelets GlitterNGlue

THIS BLOG has been bringing me daily laughs – WhenInLA

These silver skull head candles are tres chic AND perfect for Halloween – Outblush

Man-repelling Beauty Products (and why I’m a free bird)

As I get older, it gets harder and harder to deal with everyone else around me getting engaged, married and pregnant.  For years, I’ve tried to avoid growing up (hello, Los Angeles) but recently, I’ve realized that I’m eventually going to have to concede and maybe even get engaged, married and have babies myself. Sigh.  BUT there are a few things in life that I’ve decided that I will never do and one of them is having to “ask” permission to do something.  I’m a free bird!  I do what I want!  Always have been, always will be…and if I ever had to ASK someone permission to see a MOVIE, I might as well just die right then and there.  I don’t mean to judge but I DO mean judge…in fact, I’m pretty sure that I’ve made the same face (and thought the same thing) as Kristen Wiig in the Bridesmaids scene above when friends have said “oh I can’t go cause ____ doesn’t want me to.”  REALLY?  That’s a sad story.  You missed a good ____ cause, whatever it was/I did, I’m sure I had fun!

Anyway, this whole thing got me thinking to all of the fun man-repelling beauty and fashion things that I LOVE, that are known man-repellers.  If you’re not familiar with The Man Repeller blog, you should be.  Basically it proves that women love fashion trends and think they look hot but men…well, they don’t get it.  Countless magazines will tell you exactly what men don’t like but I say, WHO CARES?  Again, I do what I want…and here are my favorite man-repelling beauty products:

Crazy eyelashes: Sure, they’re kinda nuts to look at…and maybe they’re more for editorial but hey, I like eyelashes and these are REALLY fun.

Dark and neon nail polish: A few years back when black nail polish was at it’s point of chic-ness, I had a guy I knew actually ask me “what are you, goth now? Why are you wearing black nail polish?”  WHY?  Clearly you haven’t been reading every magazine and blog in AMERICA because it’s ALL ABOUT Chanel Black Satin, ok?

Sequins(!): I probably don’t even really have to explain this…men HATE sequins; they think sequins makes us look like disco balls.  Girls LOVE sequins.  That is all.

Bright lipstick: I think all of us have dreamed about looking like our Barbie dolls from back in the day, at one point or another…maybe that’s where this trend comes from (and I still love it).