It’s Fun to Have a Crush…Until they CRUSH You.

So I had a very humorous train experience on Metro North Railroad. I spent an hour and a half planning and plotting how to talk to the cute guy sitting in front of me.

How did I get so lucky as to sit behind a hot man? Well, yeah, I saw him on the train platform and decided that it might be entertaining to sit near him on the way home. Psycho?

Anyway, I sit directly behind this tall, well-dressed blonde man and begin thinking of ways to say “hey, what’s up? Wanna be my boyfriend and eventually get married?” HA, jk. I mostly just listened to Green Day and stared at the back of his head…that is, until he dropped his phone and turned around to ask me to pick up his cell battery. His smile kind of sparkled…and I NEVER use the word sparkle so you know this is no joke. I handed him back his cell battery and managed to get out a “no worries.” Curses. Why couldn’t I have engaged him further that just stating some stupid Australian phrase that I use for shits and giggles?! I decide that maybe HE was trying to talk to ME so hey, why can’t I drop something too, right? I decide on lipgloss. It’s simple, believable and if I end up losing it, whatevs.

For some reason I’m practically sweating I’m so nervous. The guy on my right is kind of looking in my direction and he will totaaaally see me if I fuck this up, ha. But why should I care, right? I drop the lipgloss, it hits the floor with a loud sound AND THEN IT ROLLS BACK TO ME. Seriously? I see the hot man look down looking to see if something had rolled toward him…had I not been such a klod, the plan would’ve worked perfectly!

Attempt #2- a fake sneeze. It’s desperate but hey, maybe he’ll turn around to say bless you…and if doesn’t say it all then he has bad manors and I don’t want him anyway. I sneeze. He says “bless you” but doesn’t turn around. Great.

I’m getting desperate here. We’re now at 125th st. Harlem, which means I have about 15-20 minutes until the last stop. I mass text 3 of my friends who a- always have good ideas and b- I know will answer me quickly.

J answers first. She asks me if I have a magazine to offer him or to say my cell died and I need to call someone. The call idea could work…but I’m waiting for more ideas here. I tell J that the mag idea is a no go and she offers up a last resort – to mess with my hair and/or put on my coat and punch him in the head. Hey, that actually sounds like something I might do so I put this in the good ideas pile.

C answers next. She says to tell him he looks “familiar.” This has actually worked for me in the past but at this point I feel like it’s been too long and it would be weird for me to say it so late in the game.

Ok, I decide to go for it with my own method. “Excuse me,” I say. “Do you mind if I ask you a really ridiculous question?” He turns around with the sparkly smile and says “sure, what’s up?” His phone rings. Perfect timing. He silences it, turns his body around so he’s facing me and says “what’s up?” again. Swoon. I cheerily state “I really like your watch and I’m actually thinking of getting my Dad one for his birthday…can I ask you where you got it?” PERFECTION. He smiles again and tells me that it was actually a gift from his mother and he has no clue where it’s from. We start chatting and it’s going swimmingly. Turns out we grew up in similar areas, he’s Irish (which I love), he’s in the Police Academy and he is currently living in the same town as my Mother. He was meeting some of his friends out on the West side for a night in the city that was planned very last minute…can I come? JK.

It’s so rare I ever feel a connection to a guy. Maybe I get too excited when it happens…I dunno. He seemed like he was interested but then he never ended up asking me for my number. I want to assume that he has a girlfriend…I mean, how could he not? Being so perfect and all…

Have you ever had one of those encounters where you feel like it ended too soon and that it’s not actually over? When the train pulled into Grand Central, he asked me for my name and told me his name was Brian and then said it was really nice talking to me…but in a way where I KNEW he really meant it. I guess just because he didn’t ask for my number, it doesn’t mean that he didn’t enjoy talking to me but still…you have to wonder. N ended up texting me back while I was in the cab going home. I called her to fill her and she basically reamed me out for not being more assertive and bold. She said I should have invited myself out with his friends…but that’s just NOT my style.

I mean, what stopped him from asking? Clearly I was interested. I like to think I’m cute enough for him and that he would agree…so what happened? I like to think Brian and I will ride the train together again one day and maybe, just maybe, he’ll be single and brave ON that day.

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