Because when it comes to dating (and men, in general), we are all a little lost…
I was introduced to Kenny through my good friend Elyse a few months ago and, after talking to him on the phone for 15 minutes, I was like “this guy…he’s a straight-shooter” (much like myself). Lately my friends and I have been talking a lot about the world of dating: online and IRL (in real life, as the “kids” text), and there are just SO many questions we have about dating as successful, 20 and 30-something women…things that literally make us want to scream because we just. don’t. get. it. Then I decided I wanted to do a post about all the questions we have, and Kenny came to mind right away as someone who I knew would be totally honest and have no qualms about it. Granted, yes, Kenny is more attractive than the average guy, which probably does skew his responses a bit (3-4 girls a month?!) but, regardless, I actually think we have made a little progress here.
Don’t forget…these are REAL questions from my friends–and a few from me, too 😉
Q: How can you have a great first date and then never hear from someone again?! Were you making it up in your head? AND, why are the guys you are NOT interested in always the ones to ask you out again?
A: It is a very typical to go out on a date with someone, have a great time/enjoy their company, but there might have been a couple of red flags that popped up. You might have thought the conversation went smooth when, in actuality, there may have been a couple points you should have kept to yourself. What those points are differ from guy to guy. Some guys like girls that get around, others don’t. The most important piece of knowledge I could give you about this topic is to always be yourself and never pretend to be something you’re not because that first date could turn into a sh*tty three years if you’re not being you. Just like women, guys are human and they want what they can’t have. If you’re asking me, it’s a female trait, but we all have it.
Q: Are most guys looking for relationships or hook ups – and how can you tell?
A: Depending where you are at with your age, where you live, etc. it will determine what a guy is looking for. Most guys in New York City are typically looking to f*ck around, despite what they tell you. LA, Las Vegas, Chicago, Miami – the bigger cities have too much going on in them and too many options. Do I truly believe that most people want to settle down? Yes. Do I think most people settle down only because they’re lonely? Yes. When people want something that is appealing to them, they tend to go after it. It is innate in men to see a beautiful woman and start to daydream about what it would be like…hence, why porn is a billion dollar market.
Q: How many online dates is the average guy going on in a given week?
A: Coming from a guy who has never gone on an online date, I have no idea, personally. However, friends of mine, depending on their level of “skill,” typically go on 2-3 dates a week. Not to say that women aren’t doing the same, since these men aren’t going on dates by themselves.
Q: What catches your eye on a girl’s online dating profile (aside from the fact that she’s hot)?
A: The most important thing for me is a woman has to be a fitness enthusiast, not someone who does yoga twice a week, but someone who truly takes care and understands how to take care of their body.
Q: Do guys prefer girls who keep up constant banter (via text or email), or are you more intrigued by someone who spaces out their messages?
A: We all have a lot going on during the day more than ever before. The average person either works long hours or multiple jobs. I love to hear from you during the day, but please don’t bother me with random sh*t. I love to know what’s going on in your life, but if you are ever twirling your hair while telling me something that you think is important, it’s probably not.
Q: Are guys typically turned off by girls who have jobs that require a lot of travel?
A: The average guy is. I like a woman who is career-driven, motivated, and has her own life. I hate lazy women who are just waiting for a guy to come along and do everything for them. Don’t be overly independent where you come off like an arrogant a*shole, but be proud of what you do and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Q: What’s with the dude who wants to talk on the phone multiple times before going out?! Who even does that anymore? Does it mean he’s too cheap to pay for a date?
A: I think it’s weird that some women just want to talk via text. I like to get to know someone before taking them out, but I understand what you’re saying. Small chit chat before you meet up with someone is relatively pointless. Call, make a plan, and that’s kind of where the phone conversation should end. Small talk is small talk for a reason. If it had meaning it would be called a conversation.
Q: If you go out with a guy and don’t hear from him again until a week later is he not really interested?
A: Yes. Period, the end.
Q: Are guys turned off if you reach out to them first after a first date?
A: Absolutely not. Personally, as a confident guy, I love to hear from someone that I was looking forward to hearing from. We live in a new age where it’s not only about guys reaching out to women. There is mutual understanding, respect and interest and I like to know as much as you do that you’re interested.
Q: A guy you’ve been dating that says they want to “take things slow” really is a nice way of saying they’re not into you, right?
A: No. Take it from where it comes…I truly believe that people rush into marriage these days. Getting to know someone and understanding who they are is important. I believe things should be taken slow when genuinely interested in someone.
Q: At what point into dating is it OK to discuss exclusivity, in a man’s mind?
A: Exclusivity is something that happens because of a mutual understanding as to where the relationship is. If you’re dating someone for a few weeks or even a month and you start talking about exclusivity, if it’s not already understood by that point, you’re clearly not really dating.
Q: If a guy you’re hooking up with only contacts you about once a month how many other girls, on average, do you think he’s sleeping with?
A: Unless he is President Obama, he really can’t be that busy. I’d say the average guy, as well as the average girl, in a big city is probably sleeping with 3-4 people within a month’s span.
Q: What does guys really think about a powerful woman (good career, salary, apartment, etc.)?
A: For a confident guy, it’s 100% turn on. Anybody could have the twit intern who is really hot or the cocktail waitress who is probably sleeping with every guy at the bar. Those are easy. A confident woman will not only be a boss in the street, but a boss in bed. And by boss, I mean more fun than the girl who is used to getting guys thrown at her.
Q: Should girls ever pursue guys or should we let them do the pursuing?
A: I don’t know where this idea came from that only guys are allowed to pursue. Again. it’s a confident woman that can approach a man, and I see nothing wrong with any girl who knows what she wants. In fact, that’s a step in the right direction. Most girls have no clue what they want when it comes to dating.
Q: Should you text “thank you” after a nice date or wait to hear from the guy? I’ve literally heard two exact opposite opinions – one guy wouldn’t ask a girl out again if she didn’t say thank you (because he felt it was “bad manners”), and another dude was like “whoa, way too aggressive.”
A: It’s only polite to thank someone if they just took you out to dinner and you had an enjoyable time with them. Any guy who says it’s “too aggressive” is obviously a little too sensitive himself. She said “thank you,” not “hey, will you marry me?”