So I saw this picture of Ashley Olsen a few weeks ago and decided I needed a vest. I didn’t actively look for one or anything but I was walking by the New York & Company on Lexington and I saw one in the window. I then walked by it a few more times and finally decided to go in and check it out…turns out it actually looked good on me. I’m always cautious about vests. Maybe because I used to wear really creepy ones with cats on them in elementary school? Or maybe because I don’t want to look like an event caterer? Who knows? Regardless, I love my new black vest and can’t wait to wear it with my white button down…now all I need is a pair of god damn skinny jeans. WHY is that so hard?????

So I would say that in maybe the last few months I’ve been noticing an onslew of JAPey looking girls wearing side ponytails, yes, you heard me- SIDE freaking PONYTAILS. Oh and you know the girl I’m talking about…she’s wearing her UGG boots, her Juicy sweats and is carrying some blatently obvious designer bag that definitely has the logo on every inch of it (LV, Dior, Gucci, etc.). Now don’t get me wrong…I can appreciate the JAP. Hell, some have even accused ME of being one. But the thing is…I need to get this out there:

Dear Long Island/NJ/Westchester JAP,

Now, while I find your dedication to spending your parent’s money endearing and your love of fashion….inspiring? Um…well, the side ponytail is where you’ve CROSSED THE LINE into Wal-Mart territory. Stop and desist now and I promise I won’t mock your UGG boots from 3 years ago.

Yours Truly,

Queen of the 1/4 Life Crisis (and JAP warden of Long Island)

So as to what my friends refer to me, a beauty whore, I’ve really got more lip glosses then any girl knows what to do with…but I recently came across Cinnamint Lip Shine by C.O. Bigelow and now I’ve got a new favorite. Most lip glosses and chap sticks all boast the same claims (i.e. soothe lips and have shine, etc.) but this lip gloss is cinnamon and mint-infused for fresh breath PLUS glossy high shine. I’m not usually a cinnamon girl but with the mint mixed in, it’s actually a nice taste. (yes, I always lick my lip gloss).

So my roommate C, a sweet girl she is, has this little, tiny, ridiculously odd habit— chewing ice cubes. At first, I thought “hey, that’s kinda quirky and cute” and NOW I want to throw myself off the fire escape (aka- the balcony) at the first sign of ice coming out of the freezer. It’s bad enough that we have to keep four, yes count them- FOUR ice cube trays full at all times in our tiny freezer AND a bowl of readily available ice cubes…and now the sound of ice being scooped, sucked, crunched or moved in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM makes me want to off myself. I’m urged to do what I usually do when I have a problem…research the hell out of it until I either A- figure out the problem/cause and try to fix it or B- get annoyed and just give up. All I can figure out so far is that C, “a sweet girl she is,”(I feel compelled to repeat this to myself in order to stop myself from wandering down the path toward hatred for her) has an oral fixation. What-the-f-ever. I just have to keep telling myself…having quirky roommates is PART of the 1/4 life crisis…but until then how ’bout I just prey that the heater breaks and melts all the ice while we’re at work??? No? ok, fine.

So I’m never one to scoff at trends (duh) but c’mon people…$58 for nail polish on ebay? Does it come with a shirt?! Yes, CHANEL Black Satin is fab and we all know I adore CHANEL and I love the whole cult classic nail polish thing that they somehow manage to pull off every 10 years or so (see Vamp back in the late 90’s) but I already think the retail value of CHANEL nail polish ($18) is a bit much…I happened to just buy the N.Y.C. “black lace creme” and I mean, it’s black nail polish. Nothing too complicated about that. Although, the N.Y.C. website says it retails for 99 cents and I definitely paid like $2.50- naturally, cause this is New York. Go figure…